Barnes and Noble

I always feel a sense of well-being with a rush of endorphins in my blood vessels every time I go to Barnes and Noble, my favorite bookstore of all time. Too many books to conquer, too little time. I can stay inside the store for a whole day and feel happy and content when I leave during 11pm closing time. Books take me to all places that I have never been, put me on the shoes of the authors and their life stories, add more input to my nearly non-existent gray matters. There is even a children section where you can read to your kids all of the Dr. Seuss books you could ever imagine of and if you unfortunately doze off in the middle of reading Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea, Starbucks which is located inside the store can brew you a grande latte cappuccino in 2 minutes time.

I went to Barnes last night with my ex-boyfriend, Aaron, who is also a Barnes addict like me. His favorite section is the magazine rack section where you can literally find hundreds of magazine ranging from Entertainment Weekly, to Car Magazine, to House and Home and even Drumming. I don’t have a favorite section. Almost half of the books in that store are appealing for me. I plan to go back there this weekend to quench my insatiable thirst of reading before my 2 month summer school starts in a week. What I love best with the store are their comfortable easy chairs scattered around that one can laze down while reading. These chairs compare to Steve’s thinking chair in his Blue’s Clues series which my pre-schoolers love to death. Barnes and Noble is my one heaven on earth places that I can stay around for one day, a day I can never complain of.

On Having Kids

There is always something going on with my kids everyday. From their first few nights of incessant crying and sleeping, to the day they started to first step without help, to the day they turned 1, to the day they first spoke "Mama" and "Dada", to the day they understood what a potty's role is to their existence, there is always something that needs to be addressed. I have 2 kids, 2 toddlers to be exact. One is 2 years old and the other one is 3 turning 4 next month. To all mothers (and fathers as well)out there, remember those days when they just sit and stare at you when you talk to them, in those times I felt that I was in a rush to hear their first word or talk their first sentence. Now that my kids are able to make their needs known through verbal communication aka talking in short simple sometimes awkward language, they are now starting the arduous process of the simple argument. They always compete in almost about everything, to who gets to be carried by mom(kugos), to who gets to be heard first, to who goes to Disneyworld or not. They tease a lot. It's the big brother who teases his little sister a lot, but these past few days, the 2 year old little girl is starting to start the "small" arguments with her kuya, ranging from who gets to go to Disney or who gets to hold the "Three Little Pigs" book during bedtime storytime. They argue from small things to the most minute thing. During travel time in the car, I could not feel any sense of peace during the trip coz all I hear are their incessant argument at the back of the car, with matching yelling to and fro, then the "loser" cries at the end. For example,while she was humming a nursery rhyme one time,my 2 year old girl got upset when her kuya asked her to be quiet while inside the car. In return, the little girl in her own simple vocabulary told the elder one, "Di-li kuyog Disneyland", which made the boy upset and the vicious cycle continues. If I knew that this is going to happen, perhaps I should have not rushed to wish that they would talk the soonest. I am wondering how their days would go on without seeing the other. I bet they would not miss each other. Sibling rivalry, unfortunately, it happens, and it is happening to my kids who are still small at heart and at body. I wish it would stop.

Gelato, Anyone?

Everytime my 2 boys and 1 girl pass by a corner food court station named G'lato di Italia in one of our big malls nearest to our apartment, I almost always think of an quintessential question in this diet fad society. How many calories are there in one lick of their fresh strawberry ice cream? To the calorie conscious health nut, every calorie intake counts. It is very strange. Some people never strive to lose pounds, and they lose weight anyway, but there is a big percentile in our society who painstakingly strive to calculate the amount and type of food they eat. I am very lucky not to be in that control group. I can eat whatever I want (I think :) ) and not store these extra calories in my middle.
So how many calories are there in that 2 scoops of creamy strawberry ice cream? Matter of fact, I don't care. Might as well order another cone of rocky road with marshmallows. Scrumptuosly delicious and mouthwatering with every bite. Gelato, anyone?

Conquering the GRE

Finally, I conquered the dreaded GRE! After purchasing a $25 Kaplan reviewer book and intensively looking at its pages for 11 days, I finally hurdled my fear of taking the test after more than 3 long years of my waxing and waning plan to take it. I am more than satisfied with my scores, taking into consideration the fact that I completed my education in a foreign non-US institution. I scored more in the Quantitative than the Verbal Section. The high falloting words it threw to me during the test were never my forte, but I am still satisfied with my overall performance. Never again would I look inside that book again! I am done with it, finally!

On Adam's First Day in School

It is comparable to the fact that some part of you is taken away forever. Three years ago, he was just a mere small 9 pounder in my loving arms, so helpless, so vulnerable. He made me feel important. I was his protector, his shield from all outside harm a newborn would encounter. He was completely dependent on me, and that made me feel very important. Last week, on his first day of school, he looked entirely different. He was grown up, ready to let go of his motherly dependence, wanting to conquer his not-so-small-world-at-all alone.
He started his day early at 7am when he was awakened by my husband in time for his morning shower and dress up for school. He wore a bright orange biker shirt, a pair of short pants and the Thomas the Engine sneakers he personally picked up when we shopped for his shoes. He was a very excited boy. It was his first day of school, the moment he has been talking and thinking about since he turned 3 earlier this year. "I am going to school, Mama!", he would excitingly blurt out every now and then, but most of the time right after he goes to the potty. He has been always reminded by us that once he perfects his toilet training, then he could go to school. He always had this gleaming look in his eyes every time we had a discussion connecting his potty training with going to school.
Arriving from night shift work around 810am, I saw him all ready. He has had eaten breakfast and was sitting on our living room couch patiently waiting for me to drive him to school. I felt enervated despite the 12 hours of shift work the night before. I took a quick shower to drive away any sleepy and tired feeling I normally feel after a full shift work. That did the trick. Adam was not the only one who was excited. His mom was too!
He was tightly holding my hand as we headed in the school's lobby waiting for his preschool teacher to come. There were several other boys and a couple of girls with either their mom or dad who were also waiting. As he was clinging to my one leg and holding my hand tight, I went down on his eye level and told him with a great overprotective maternal tone voice that no matter what happens in the next 2 hours, I will be here on the lobby when he comes out from class. He had this small sense of fearful look in his eyes, but I felt that he was all effort into being the brave boy that he can be. I waved goodbye to him as the teacher walked him with the rest of the kids to their classroom. It was around a 2 minute walk. I felt very ambivalent. It was heartbreaking for me seeing him walk away from me and he didn't even look back! I felt that something was taken away from me, forever. I have dreaded for this to come but I can not turn back the clock. It's hard to let go, but I have to. Even though a part of me got killed, I forced myself to be cheerful, for this is my boy's new beginning for a new phase in his life. I walked away and went home with water hazing around my eyes and fogging my sight.

Cholesterol, Any Takers?

My yearly blood work for my annual check up revealed my cholesterol level to be a whopping 254. I just found out today after I picked up my lab results from my doctor's office. My physique is not that generous so my weight has nothing to do with it. Now I ponder, what have I eaten in the past 33 years that have made this level skyrocket, not to mention the scrumptuous lechon roast, humba, leche flan, oxtail kare-kare, sinigang baboy, adobong baboy, piniritong baboy and hundreds more of fat laden Filipino style cooking? Ironically thinking very very hard, I realize that the answer is just lying at the tip of my nose. Do I need to phase out this style of cooking and eating at home? I need to start eating healthy food the soonest just enough for my areteries to still have enough space left for a sufficient amount of blood flow to my vital organs so I can live 33 years more. I still do want not only to see my chikitings grow up, but also to retire comfortably to our newly purchased Corona del Mar home in Talisay, Cebu and just get lazy sitting down in front of the beach the entire day. I still would want to perfect Lisa Loeb's Stay in the acoustic guitar we just recently bought together (Aaron and I). I still would want to travel to my dream places not to mention Paris and Honolulu. I still would want to perfect my basic drumming skills and at least perform 1 complete pop rock song before I bequeath my red Pearl drum set (complete with a pair of Vic Firth sticks) to either my kids, to whoever is interested beating it. Too many things to do, too little time. Maybe I really do need to eat healthy from now on. Now, who would want to eat oatmeal every morning with me? Any takers?

Unexplainable Unfair Life

How do you explain why certain people would intentionally cut off their life for some trivial repairable reason while a number of patients lie in hospital beds waiting for that lung or liver donor, hoping that they would be able to buy more time for their kids and family? This irony has started me thinking hard. I have come into my personal conclusion that life is undeniably unfair. Talk about individuals who are strong and healthy up until the next day when they discover from their routine doctor check up that they have a life threatening disease such as a malignancy/tumor. I have heard and known people who never smoke and get lung cancer, people who are very conscientious with healthy living, but get morbidly sick anyways. Life is unfair. It stabs me deep in my heart why these things are happening. Out of the billions of earthlings in our society, why does it have to be the good people who get this life threatening problems and not that junkie on the street who smokes and inhales crack everyday. It doesn't surprise me why depression due to a chronic health condition kills people. Depression hurts. Life hurts. Everything hurts.